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  • ivanildotrindade 9:30 pm on February 18, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: do you love me, Dr. John Barger, dramatic events, husbands, , men can change, radical change, sadness, still-born, the death of a child, tragedy, wives,   

    Tutored by Tragedy 

    No other single event can change a man like the death of a child. I know because I lost my first son in 1988. In Dr. John Barger’s case, this dramatic event was preceded by his wife’s excruciatingly difficult delivery complete with a placenta that was torn loose and ensuing hemorrhaging. The result was that the baby was still-born baby. He describes the event and how it impacted him with these words:

    “At two in the morning in a stark, bright hospital delivery room, I held in my left hand my tiny lifeless son, and stared in disbelief at his death. I had the power to make [my family's] lives worse by raging against my baby’s death and my wife’s lack of love, or to make their lives better by learning to love them properly. I had to choose. And it was a clear choice, presented in an instant as I stared at my tiny, helpless, stillborn infant cradled in my hand. In that crucial instant, with God’s grace, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good. I don’t have time to tell you of all the afflictions we endured in the next four years: sick children, my mother’s sudden death, my losing my job as a teacher, three more miscarriages, and finally a secret sorrow that pierced both of us to the very core of our beings.

    In the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love, and to cease being a cause of pain, was to suffer, endure, and strive every minute to repudiate my anger, my resentment, my scorn, my jealousy, my lust, my pride, and my dozens of other vices. I began holding my tongue. I started admitting my faults and apologizing for them. I quit defending myself when I was judged too harshly, for the important thing was not to be right but to love. And frankly, once I started listening to Susan, once I began really hearing her and drawing her out, I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows.

    Most were not sorrows unique to Susan. They were the sorrows that all feel: sorrows that arise from the particular physiology of women and from their vocation as mothers, which gives them heavy duties and responsibilities while leaving them almost totally dependent on men for their material well-being and their spiritual support; sorrows that arise from loving their husbands and children intensely, but not being able to keep harm from those they love; sorrows that arise from the fact that in our society even the most chaste of women are regularly threatened by the lustful stares, remarks, and advances of men; and sorrows that arise because our society in general still considers women stupid, flighty, and superficial, and still places very little value on women and shows very little respect for them.

    Women suffer these wounds far more often and with a greater intensity than most of us men ever realize. And unless we ask them, women generally do not speak to us of these sorrows, perhaps because we men so often dismiss their troubles as insignificant or write off women themselves as simply weak and whiny. Can men withdraw the sword of sorrow that pierces every woman’s heart? I don’t think so. Their problems are generally not the kind that have a solution, but rather form the very fabric of their daily existence.

    One of my friends, when confronted at the end of a long workday with his wife’s complaints about the noise, the troubles, and the unending housework, snapped back at her in exasperation: “Well, do you want me to stay home and do the housework while you go off to the office?” You understand his point: He couldn’t solve her problems. What did she want him to do? I’ll tell you. She wanted him to listen, to understand, and to sympathize. She wanted him to let her know that despite her problems, her exhaustion, her dishevelment, he loved her; to let her know that it caused him sorrow that she was suffering and that if it were possible, he would change it for her.”

    These words pierce the heart. They ought to be read by every married men and women everywhere. He goes on to describe how through three years of hard work, he was finally able to draw his wife’s love out again, only to have tragedy struck like a thief in the night. More on that later.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 10:01 pm on February 17, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: dictator, domineering men, gary thomas, John Barger, , , sacred marriage, servant leader, Wife   

    Men who dominate 

    Do most men tend to be domineering toward their wives? There is at least one person who thinks so. In 1987, Dr. John Barger shared his unbelievable story* of going from dictator to servant-leader of his wife and seven children. So here is his take on how many men view women:

    “It’s easy to scorn women, and most men do. We see women as physically weak, easy to intimidate, bound to the menial tasks of motherhood, emotional, illogical, and often petty. Or we see them as temptress; in desire we idolize them and parade them across the pages of magazines, yet we scorn and hate them for their commanding sexual power over us. Male scorn for women affects every aspect of our lives: our relations with our mothers, our girlfriends, our secretaries, our wives, our children, the church, and even God himself.

    I do not speak here merely of your scorn or women; I speak of mine as well. My relatives grew up on the streets during the Depression, learning early the fury and scorn that characterize so many people in dire circumstances: drinking heavily and seeing women alternately as sex objects or servants… As a result, I swaggered through marriage for many years, ruling my wife Susan and my seven children with an iron hand while citing Scripture as justification for my privileges and authority. After all, Scripture commands wives to obey their husbands.

    Years of dominating my wife and children left them habitually resentful and fearful of me, yet unwilling to challenge me because of the fury it might provoke… I alienated Susan and the children, and lost their love. Home was not a pleasant place to be — for them or for me. By 1993, Susan would have left me if it weren’t for the children, and even that bond was losing its force.

    Then a number of dramatic events occurred, which wrought a profound change in my moral, psychological, and spiritual life.” Tomorrow I will relate to you what those events were.

    Just for the record: I grew up with a mom who would never let her 6 boys get away with scorning women. I have three sisters and I never thought they were inferior to us boys.

    But recently I talked to my son about what he remembers from his childhood. I wanted to know if he remembered the times I was absent because of work. He said that it was more complicated than that. Maybe if we had had a closer relationship, he would have felt my absence more, he said. One thing that he said, though, has stuck with me. He reminded me that when he misbehaved, Mom would always say, “Wait until your dad comes home,” and he was afraid of me because that usually meant that he would be disciplined.

    Sadly, he said that even today, if he is not paying attention, he gets afraid when he hears my car and knows that I am arriving in the home. That is certainly NOT a fun memory to have of your dad and I told him how sorry I was for it. I am trying to learn and I believe that both my children and my wife have a lot to teach me.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

    *This excerpt of John Barger’s story was taken from Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage.

     

  • ivanildotrindade 10:46 pm on February 16, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: husbands and wives, , , listening to your wife, understanding your wife, valentine's day   

    “Gone Wife-Schooling!” 

    You would think that after 30 plus years of marriage, I would have learned the lesson: listen to your wife!

    I have an admission to make: I stink at that. I was sharing about my “13 Irreducible Minimums of Decency” with my staff the other day and when I shared #10, “Your wife is always smarter than you think,” another male and married staff member said, “My wife is always smarter than what I think I know.” All the female laughed out loud and approved.

    My wife’s Birthday is on Valentine’s Day. I am so happy that she makes life so easy for me. She doesn’t care about getting a gift, but I dare not forget to give her a card. Not just any card. I have to pick the right one, with the appropriate lead words, meaning something that applies to how I really feel about her and the reality of our relationship. And I have to write an original text, sometimes a poem, but always talking about my love for her in ways that only she can relate.

    This year I splurged. I got her one card for Valentine’s and another for her Birthday. I got her flowers (not expensive ones, mind you) and a bracelet (again, nothing fancy, but tasty). And why did I feel like I had to do all of this? Well, I am trying to let my wife know that I am finally listening.

    Yes, a series of mishaps have been happening over a period of time. The most recent one was during my trip to Asia. There were many things I didn’t do and others I shouldn’t have done — like taking my nice leather jacket with me. She said, “Don’t take it.” But I wanted to have it available to me as soon as I got to Cleveland. Well, surprise, surprise, the jacket got stolen from my one checked bag before it even made to Cleveland.

    I waited a few days, until after she returned from her little time away in California (thanks to vouchers from Delta Airlines!), and finally had enough courage to tell her. I heard a much deserved lecture and admitted to my chagrin that taking the jacket was indeed a stupid idea.

    But the jacket thing is a penny in a pile of big “silver dollars” and “gold coins.” Starting this coming Sunday, February 19, my wife and I will be spending one week in a lodge on the Blue Ridge Mountains of East Tennessee, away from it all, except nature and each other. Okay, we will have a third party who is coming at our invitation, a life coach/counselor, who will meet with us to help us gain some perspectives about our lives, dealing with the daily stress of family life, ministry, balancing the demands of work and family, etc.

    In a way I feel like I am going to boot camp. Like a stroke patient who has to learn to use damaged functions again, I feel like that is what I must do now. Learning to listen to my wife. Learning to put her before others in my life. Learning to understand how important her feelings are and making sure that she is an integral part of everything I do.

    I know that list of goals looks a little ambitious, but I am more committed to pursuing them than ever. As an anxious Kindergartener on the first day of school, I can’t wait to get on the bus.

    So if you don’t hear anything from me until after February 27th, you will know why. I will be “wife-schooling.”

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 10:30 pm on February 14, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: decency, principals to live by, Religion, Religion and Spirituality, , rules for living, universal religion   

    My 13 irreducible minimums of decency 

    The story is told of a young French soldier who was intent on starting his own religion. Day after day he would spend hours evangelizing the other soldiers, extolling the virtues of his ideas for a revolutionary brand of religion which would be universally acceptable to everyone. Trouble is, in spite of his efforts, he never made one convert.

    Dejected, he went to his captain and complained that while he worked tirelessly, the priest in his unit seemed to spend all his time enjoying cigarettes and sipping wine with the troops; meanwhile, his chapel was overflowing with converts. Desperate, he asked the captain, “Tell me, Sir. What also should I do to win followers?” The captain simply looked at him and said, “Try dying and coming back to life after three days!”

    Moral of the story: it is hard to compete with the J. C. himself. I ain’t trying, but I have my own set of principal rules I try to live by. I call them my “irreducible minimums of decency” or I.M.D’s (not to be confused with W.M.D’s!). There will be no altar call at the end nor will I pass the bucket for an offering. Just tell me what you think of these ideas and feel free to add your own. I happen to believe that even those on the far edge of the religious spectrum might find some points of convergences here. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good start. So here they are:

    1. If there is a vulnerable child involved, be willing to be taken advantage of, if you can be reasonably sure that your help is going to benefit that child in some way;

    2. If you are going to accuse someone of stealing or committing an act that breaches the laws of country or civility, you better be 100% sure. 99.9% won’t do;

    3. If you are going to praise someone, write it down; if you are going to criticize or reprimand, speak face-to-face;

    4. If someone calls you “stupid,” say “thank you for the information,” and walk away;

    5. Never loan money to a family member. Either donate it or don’t do it at all;

    6. Live today as if this were the last day of your life;

    7. When in doubt, always defend those who have no voice against the powerful and learned;

    8. Greet janitors at airports and other public places. Smile and thank them for the nice job they are doing;

    9. Never underestimate your tendency to act contrary to decency;

    10. Your wife is always smarter than you think;

    11. If all your other answers fail, go to church;

    12. At least once in your lifetime, find a person who is perceived as the least desirable company in your community and make him/her feel like the king/queen of the world;

    13. If you were the only person in the world who is FOR you, you could never say that THE WORLD is against you.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 11:24 pm on February 13, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: friends of whitney houston, whitney houston, whitney houston's tribute, whitney's doctors, whitney's failures   

    “Whitney: Let me be your friend!” 

    Whitney, let me be your friend. I know you have many friends who are willing to worship the ground you walk on and where you go people are lining up to adorn your path with fresh rose petals. But I want to be your friend so I can warn you not to believe everything your friends tell you. You need a friend who can save you from your “friends.”

    I would tell you that the meaning of life is not wrapped up on a successful career, a husband, a daughter or the expectation to excel beyond your dreams. I would tell you to forget all the dreams you had and focus on getting healthy.

    I would have gone to your doctors and warned them that they were making it easy for you to lose control.

    I would write letters to people around the world and bug them to call, e-mail, twitter, Skype, go to the streets and show you that your value is in the person you are not in the person the world wants you to be.

    I would not leave your sight when I knew you were vulnerable. I would remind you of your youth when you believed that your voice was a gift from God and you promised God that you would always use your voice for His glory.

    I would make sure you surrounded yourself with people who were strong and were willing to love you with unconditional and sacrificial love. And I would ban everyone else from your sight.

    I would do all I could to convince you that you had no one else to blame but yourself. I would beg you to seek help from professionals who could care for your body and soul. I would pray for you until my knees could no longer bear the cold slab of my wooden floor. I would cry out to God for your well-being until I felt that He had heard me.

    I would not have left you to tend for yourself when you were self-destructing.

    I would remind you that when I watched the movie “The Preacher’s Wife,” I thought you were the angel and not Denzel. I would tell you that when I heard you sing the National Anthem in 1991 I thought I had witnessed the most magical musical five minutes of music anyone had ever produced. And I would tell you that it was obvious that all the people in the stadium clearly understood that they were hearing something so good the Super Bowl could have ended right there and the crowd would still be happy.

    I would promise you I would be vigilant to confront you when you needed tough love, to praise you when you achieved important milestones. I would have told you to give up your career, the high celebrity pace, the drive to have a killer come back and I would tell all those publicists and producers and general parasites to go to hell. I would tell you that the only thing that matters now is for you to get well.

    Most of all, I would tell you to surrender your will to your Creator. He knows your brain and He created you with so many beautiful gifts. More than anything, He desired you to live.

    But as it is, the curtain has now been drawn and I never had the chance to meet you let alone be your friend. But even if I did, with the best of my intentions, I suspect I still I wouldn’t have had the power to save you. And that is what makes me sad the most as I contemplate your departure.

    You once sang for God. I hope that you will sing for Him again one day.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 5:12 pm on February 11, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Battambang, , , physical abuse, , sex trade,   

    G.R.O.W. OPENS ITS FIRST HOME IN CAMBODIA! 

    This is a special announcement to all of our friends and supporters: we are opening our first home in Battambang, Cambodia. During my recent trip to Cambodia, Sumitra Faa and I had the opportunity to interview three couples who had shown interest in this position. From the beginning we felt drawn to Sambo and his family. He was amply qualified for the work, and he and his wife were already involved in rescuing children in the city where they lived. We interviewed them twice and presented their names to the board at our recent meeting.

    We asked the Board to pray and spoke with Sambo during the meeting, at which time we agreed to move the process ahead. By the grace of God, a donor had provided most of the funds to cover the expenses of running the home for the first year. We still have needs that will have to be covered by future contributions, but felt confident to move ahead with this plan. We are operating with a bare-bone budget but trusting God for the future. Before the end of the year, our plan is to see six new girls who have been victims of physical and/or sexual abuse. They will join Sambo’s family and enjoy a new life where they will no longer be in danger and with time will be able to have the hope of glory.

    While in Battambang, Sumitra and I looked at several houses we intended to rent. Most of the houses were far from what we would consider adequate for the work we do with children. But on our last day there, God allowed us to go to a home we really liked and we found the landlords were very open to our work. They even agreed to reduce the rent significantly and by God’s grace Sambo and his family will be moving to that house on or by February 15th. We couldn’t be more happy with this!

    Sambo, Sopha, and their daughters Mary (8), Ruth (5), and Katrina (1) have been serving God for several years now. They have started a couple of churches and until recently were operating an English teaching school for youth in their town. During the recent flooding in Cambodia, they took in 8 children whose parents became homeless and were no longer able to pay for their schooling. They love their people and have shown again and again that they are willing to sacrifice in order to help “the least of these.”

    For those of you who read my blog and believe in prayer*, please pray for Sambo and Sopha:

    Pray for their move to Battambang;

    Pray that their children will adjust well to the new city and schools;

    Pray that they will remain healthy;

    Pray for the right girls to be brought to the home;

    Pray for Sambo and Sopha as they meet people and organizations who are already working with children who are suffering abuse.

    Pray that God will provide the necessary support to keep this home running at the optimum level.

    As I said above, there will be some extra needs associated with starting this home that are not covered by the budget. If you would like to contribute toward those needs, please send your donation to G.R.O.W. marked “Cambodia, start-up”  (P. O. Box 1862. Wooster, OH 44691). All your gifts are tax-deductible.

    Thank you for your prayers and faithful support or the ministry of G.R.O.W. in SE Asia. We are excited about this new step but also understand that this is a huge step of faith. Please continue to pray that God will move ahead of us and that we will continue to put Him at the center of everything we do.

    For the least of these,

    Pastor Ivanildo C. Trindade

    G.R.O.W. President

    *If you don’t believe in prayer, wish them well! Thank you!

     

  • ivanildotrindade 8:50 pm on February 10, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: appliances, cars, strikes, coincidence, Washing machine, Clothes dryer, Ford Ranger, Dishwasher, Refrigerator, Laundry   

    My appliances went on strike 

    I heard my refrigerator talking to my dryer. It said, “I’ve been in this household for over 14 years. I’ve moved six times. I need a break.” The dryer said, “Funny thing, mate, I was just talking to the washing machine and it said, “I thought the load would lighten up after the kids left for college, but boy was I ever wrong. I need a break. I can’t take it anymore.”

    The dryer was embarrassed. For months now it could not work at full speed. There was not enough heat and it was taking two or three times longer to do the same job it did 10 years ago. Hearing the fridge and the washer, the dryer finally threw in the towel, “Okay clothesline. I give up. You win!”

    And so all three appliances went on strike in rapid succession. Not total strike, just enough to keep us guessing — the fridge doesn’t make ice anymore and the leak from the bottom reminds us of its age… The dryer is cold and the washer quits unexpectedly. After a while, it starts again, but sometimes it is so out of synch, it eats at the edges of clothes. That’s what angry washers do.

    This has been going on for a while so the rumors spread. The dryer talked to the dishwasher who talked to the microwave. The dishwasher quit for good and last night the microwave decided to ease itself into uselessness: “I will keep running but there will be no more heat coming out of this baby!” My son was amazed that after two minutes the cheese on his sandwich was unmovable. Microwaves playing practical jokes? Who would’ve thunk?

    And the rumors didn’t stop. From the vent outside our house the 1985 Buick heard about the mutiny inside and decided to take a break. The 2001 Jetta, after hundreds of dollars in repairs, also gave up the breaks. One sits on our church parking lot now and the other adorns the street in front of our house. Their unions are now demanding full compensation for damages due to over work.

    And just this afternoon, as I was driving to Canton and Akron, my 2003 Ford Ranger had the hiccups. I didn’t know that Fords talked to Volkswagens or Buicks! Something is misfiring and I was afraid I was going to be left stranded on the road somewhere as the snow was falling. Thankfully I made it home, but worried, I put the truck inside the garage, to cut any communication with the Buick outside. But a question will plague me tonight: Do cars talk to washers and dryers? There is only a thin wall separating them!

    Yes, I can still laugh at all of this, but am seriously wondering: Is this just a mere coincidence or is there more to this story? How do you negotiate with appliances and cars? I sure wish they could give us a few more years. Okay, maybe a few more days until I win the Ohio money ball. Oh wait: I haven’t bought the ticket yet. Worse yet,  my job doesn’t allow me to play the lottery, but desperate people resort to desperate measures. How much is that ticket anyway? :) .

    April 28th can’t get here soon enough. That is the day a town next to ours holds their big trash day. Maybe I will give up my stuff and find a few good things in other people’s trash. But I am not holding my breath…

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

    • beth 8:56 pm on February 10, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      yes, and I have heard the trash talks to each other as well

    • Bob & Linda 10:52 am on February 11, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      Hey Brother, We found a nice SHARP Carossel white microwave this am. Counter top model. Also have a washer or dryer at our warehouse. I will have the guys check Monday. We be home 2-24. B and L

  • ivanildotrindade 9:32 pm on February 9, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: english language, english oddities, english spelling, spell check   

    Spell Checker Poem 

    Ah, let’s have some fun. Some of you are wondering out loud if my blog might be getting a little “heady” lately, so I must digress, even if I disagree. :) .

    I didn’t write this poem, but I think it is “phunnee.” Yes, though I don’t agree that English is the most difficult language in the world, it is a fascinating language. If you have some other oddities or cute clips, please send them my way. And don’t do like the restaurant in Cambodia which instead of advertising “fee wi-fi,” said “free wife”!

    Spell Checker Poem

    Eye halve a spelling chequer
    It came with my pea sea
    It plainly marques four my revue
    Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
    Eye strike a key and type a word
    And weight four it two say
    Weather eye am wrong oar write
    It shows me strait a weigh.
    As soon as a mist ache is maid
    It nose bee fore two long
    And eye can put the error rite
    Its rare lea ever wrong.
    Eye have run this poem threw it
    I am shore your pleased two no
    Its letter perfect awl the weigh
    My chequer tolled me sew.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 9:40 am on February 9, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Adolf Hitler, bad thingsGod's name, , hitler, hitler's religious ideas, Inquisition, Jesus, love your enemies, Mein Kampf, stupid things   

    God didn’t tell you to do that! 

    People have done bad things in the name of God. But that doesn’t mean that they were instructed by God to do such things. My God, for example, would not approve of the Crusades, the Inquisition, all the burning at the stakes, blowing up abortion clinics, protesting at the funerals of gay people, etc.

    So just because someone says he is acting in the Name of God, that doesn’t mean that his license to kill came from the Almighty. It may surprise you, but even Hitler thought he was acting in the service of God. His words about the importance of religious beliefs are famous:

    “This human world of ours would be inconceivable without the practical existence of a religious belief. The great masses of a nation are not composed of philosophers. For the masses of the people, especially faith is absolutely the only basis of a moral outlook on life. The various substitutes that have been offered have not shown any results that might warrant us in thinking that they might usefully replace the existing denominations. …There may be a few hundreds of thousands of superior men who can live wisely and intelligently without depending on the general standards that prevail in everyday life, but the millions of others cannot do so.”

    • Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, Vol. 1 Chapter 10

    This, however, does not mean that Hitler was a Christian, as many have claimed. His actions definitely didn’t illustrate the teachings of Christ. But if he was not a Christian, what was he? I think he was simply someone who used religion to advance his political causes. He was not deranged. He was very conscious of what he was doing. He was not crazy, he was crazy with power.

    And that is one way to test one’s religious claims, isn’t it? How do them stack against the teachings of the founder? Jesus taught us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. That means that anyone who hates anyone is not advancing God’s causes.

    Christ loved the last, the least, the lost of this world. He was a friend of the poor, the sick, the tax collectors and prostitutes. That means that anyone who hates the poor and is not reaching out to the destitute is not on God’s side. In fact, the book of Proverbs says, “Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” (Proverbs 14:31).

    Yes, Jesus said “go and sin no more” to the woman caught in adultery, but many Christians seem to say “sin no more, then go.” I think the order is important. Jesus didn’t expect perfection before he releases us into the world. That is a huge difference and one that probably assumes many bumps on the road. But I am glad that Jesus also lay down what the standard to live by.

    Maybe I should write about great things people have done in God’s name. The list is also endless. We will see what comes next.

    Ivanildo C. Trindade

     

  • ivanildotrindade 9:33 am on February 9, 2012 Permalink | Reply  

    sorry everyone, don’t know what happened to the rest of my post from last night… i will try to go back to the deep recesses of my mind today. we will see…

     

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